The Four Lessons of Liao-Fan Series #23: How to Stay Calm When You’re Insulted or Misunderstood

We often think of a “hero” as someone who defeats others or proves themselves right, yet the Buddha shows that true greatness lies in never being self-righteous and always turning inward to cultivate virtue. Using the Mahāvīra Hall as a starting point, this essay reveals a single path of practice: meeting slander without anger, transforming criticism into self-refinement, and dissolving conflict through wisdom and compassion—for the benefit of both oneself and others.

🏯 “Mahāvīra Hall(大雄宝殿)” — Why the Buddha Is Called the Great Hero

🐉 True Heroes Are Never Self-Righteous

The main hall where Buddha statues are enshrined is called the Mahāvīra Hall (“Great Hero Treasure Hall”). We call the Buddha a great hero—but does the Buddha ever consider Himself infallible? No.
When the Buddha teaches the Dharma to sentient beings, He says that He has not spoken a single word. Not one word spoken—yet He expounded the entire Tripiṭaka for forty-nine years. How can this be?
Because nothing He taught came from Himself—it all came from ancient Buddhas.
Confucius taught throughout his life, yet he said he merely “transmitted but did not create(述而不作)”—he had no personal opinions; all he taught was the guidance left by ancient sages and kings. Such humility, never regarding oneself as absolutely correct—that is the true hero.
This explains the principle from the perspective of “person.”


📚 True Learning Never Teaches People to Blame or Harm Others

“Nor is there learning that leads one to blame or resent others.”
“Resentment” here means harboring hatred.
The learning of sages never encourages selfishness, never fosters greed, anger, ignorance, or arrogance, and certainly never teaches people to harm others for their own benefit.
This is the explanation from the perspective of “learning.”


🔍 Everything Begins With Self-Reflection

We must turn back and reflect upon ourselves:
Whenever things do not go as we wish, it is because our virtue has not been cultivated; our sincerity has not yet reached.”
Indeed, our sincerity is insufficient, our virtue not yet developed, therefore our efforts to influence and transform others fail to take effect.


💎 Turning Criticism Into the Polishing of Jade

“If I thoroughly reflect upon myself, then all slander and criticism that come to me are but opportunities to polish and refine me into jade. I shall joyfully accept them—what cause is there for anger?”
We must seriously reflect, for our responsibility is to help society gain peace and stability, and to help all beings live happily. Where do we begin? Begin by cultivating virtue.
If we do not truly possess virtue and learning, if we cannot let go of selfishness, pride, and the pursuit of fame and gain, then how can we influence beings? How can we walk the Bodhisattva path?
Therefore, if we wish to reduce disasters in this world, we must first refine our own moral character. When we develop the strength of virtue within ourselves, then we can help countless suffering beings.
How do we help them?
By transforming them through virtue and wisdom—helping them awaken, repent, stop evil, do good, accumulate merit, and cultivate virtue.
When this happens, the disasters of the world can be dissolved; even if not completely eliminated, their severity can be reduced, or their duration shortened.


🌿 How to Cultivate One’s Own Virtue

How do we cultivate our own moral character? This book offers many examples—we must carefully contemplate them and repeatedly reflect upon their meaning. For instance:
“When slander and criticism come, they are but opportunities to polish me into jade. I shall gladly accept them—what anger could remain?”
When interacting with others, can we truly remain free from even the slightest resentment when someone maliciously slanders us? That is real cultivation(功夫).


💛 Keeping Only Others’ Goodness in the Heart

A fellow practitioner once told me:
“Someone is speaking badly of you and slandering you.”
As soon as he started to say it, I stopped him.
He was very surprised.
I told him:
“I wish to maintain the best impression of that person forever. I will always remember a person’s goodness and virtue. I look upon the world believing that everyone has goodness within them(人人皆善). I do not wish to store others’ unwholesome words or actions in my heart. If I put their unwholesome actions into my heart, my heart becomes unwholesome—this loss is far too great.”
The person who spoke ill of me, who tried to damage me—he treated me very kindly in the past, and I am forever grateful.
As for the later unwholesome behaviors, there must have been other reasons—most likely misunderstandings.
Why was he kind to me before but not now?
From the perspective of personal benefit, previously I brought benefit to him; now I no longer do, so his mentality, attitude, and behavior changed.
I understand this clearly.
Previously I treated him well; now I treat him even better.
Why? Because in his mind there is only fame and personal interest, whereas in moral character I have advanced upward—fame and gain I have put down.
My goodness toward him, he does not understand and thus forms misunderstandings. I should forgive him.
But if I say “I forgive him,” my heart has already become small—that is already a mistake. For such things may arise elsewhere, but in my mind they never occurred at all.
Only by doing so can one return to what is natural, return to one’s innate goodness.


🌿 A Heart Containing Only Goodness

Therefore, when the mind contains not the slightest unwholesome thought—when my heart accommodates only the good intentions, good actions, and good virtues of all beings—that is truly cultivating one’s own moral character.
So when we encounter slander, insult, or harm from others, we should hold gratitude in our hearts. Why?
Because such situations allow us to examine how deep our cultivation truly is.
If even a single thought of resentment still arises, we must immediately turn inward and repent:
“My virtue is insufficient—why can I not withstand this test?”

The correct attitude must be: “I joyfully accept this gift—what anger could there be?
When others treat me poorly, I respond with joy. As word spreads, the other person will eventually feel gratitude and turn back. In doing this, I save myself, and I also save the other person.
But if upon hearing slander I become angry and harbor thoughts of revenge, then hatred will perpetuate endlessly, harming myself and harming others.
If we think deeply and reflect carefully, we will be able to save ourselves and save others—what greater joy than this?


💗 The Real Test: Loving Those Who Dislike You

In this world, we should hope to maintain a sincere and loving heart throughout our entire life, loving all beings.
It is not difficult to love those who love us.
But when someone hates me and I still love him—that is real cultivation(功夫), real virtue, and real wisdom.
Even those who commit the Five Heinous Offenses or the Ten Evil Deeds—I still love them with sincerity and equality, because I know they possess Buddha-nature. The Three-Character Classic says, “At the beginning of human life, nature is originally good.”
I know their true mind and true nature are fundamentally good; thus I respect and love them. What they have acquired are merely bad habits—these are not real and can be changed. As long as a person produces a single thought of repentance, he again becomes a good person, returning to his original goodness.
These principles and truths must not be forgotten.


🔥 Hearing Slander Without Anger

“Hearing slander without anger—though the flames of defamation rise to the heavens, it is like setting fire to empty space; the fire will eventually die out by itself.”
Last year, some people wrote long and lengthy articles in newspapers and magazines, pointing at my name and slandering and insulting me. They said that advocating the Compiled Edition of the Infinite Life Sutra was a grave offense that misled those who recite the Buddha’s name.
Dharma Master Wudao faxed those newspaper articles to me and wanted to write a rebuttal.
I told him:
“Let them scold. Do not say a single word.”
Why?
Because once they are tired of scolding, they will stop. It has nothing to do with me.
Let them write as many articles as they want—eventually, they will run out of energy. Since we offer no reaction, isn’t everything now peaceful?


🔔 Why Responding with Silence Ends Conflict

We must understand: when two people argue, the more they argue, the more heated they become. But if one person argues and the other remains silent, eventually the one shouting will grow tired and naturally stop.
Bystanders will say:
“This person has good cultivation; that person has poor manners.”
So who is higher and who is lower becomes perfectly clear.
Since others are criticizing, why should we say even a single word in response?
Moreover, anger and shouting cause severe harm to the body, requiring three days to fully recover.


💡 Why Feel Hurt Only When You Are the Target?

Why do you get angry?
If he insults you, you feel upset;
but if he insults others, why are you not upset?
If someone scolds “Jingkong,” Jingkong is just a temporary name—many people could be called Jingkong. Why must I accept that he is referring to me?
If someone scolds you and you accept it as your own burden, then you are foolish and you are deluded.
If you listen as though he is scolding someone else, unrelated to you, your mind will naturally be calm—resentment dissolves, misunderstandings dissolve.


🥋 How to Neutralize Violence — A Method That Never Fails

The same applies to fighting: the more two people fight, the more intense it becomes. But if one person hits and the other does not fight back, the one who hits will quickly become embarrassed.
This method is extremely effective for people who like to fight.
When I was young, if a friend lost his temper and struck me, I would not strike back. If he pushed me down, I would simply lie on the ground and not get up. Onlookers would see, and he would look extremely awkward, unable to continue. If he wanted to keep hitting, he could not; if he wanted to stop, he did not know how to exit gracefully.
Therefore, never compete with others. Maintain good friendships, help others, and accomplish yourself—this is the principle of being human.
All slander—the more you argue, the darker it becomes; if you do not argue, it naturally dissolves.


🔥 Anger Is Like a Silkworm Cocoon

“When you hear slander and become angry, even if you try to defend yourself with great cleverness and effort, it is like a spring silkworm spinning a cocoon—binding yourself tighter and tighter. Anger not only brings no benefit, it brings harm.”
All other kinds of wrongdoing should be examined with the same principle.
Once this principle is understood, faults will naturally cease.


⚠️ One Minute of Anger = Three Days of Damage

This is something we encounter often in daily life; we must heighten our awareness and never allow circumstances to disturb our minds.
Losing your temper even once, regardless of whether it lasts a long time or just one minute, causes emotional and physiological damage that takes three days to return to calm.
If you get angry every day, the harm to your health is enormous—utterly not worth it.


🕊️ Hearing Slander Is Unavoidable — Even the Buddha Faced It

“Hearing slander”—others slandering us—is something unavoidable. When we interact with the public, there is truly no way to make every single person satisfied with our words and actions. Not only can we not do this—even Śākyamuni Buddha could not do it.
During the Buddha’s lifetime:
• There was Devadatta, who constantly caused trouble, slandered, insulted, and even tried to harm the Buddha.
• Within the monastic community, there were the Six Groups of Bhikṣus.
• Outside the community, there were the Six Heterodox Teachers.
All of these were demonstrations by the Buddha, serving as examples for us.
How did the Buddha handle slander and harm?
He remained unmoved, responding with sincerity, equality, and compassion—this is what we must learn.
Therefore, if we become angry when hearing slander, or rush to defend ourselves, we are merely seeking trouble for our own mind. Hence, Mr. Liao-Fan uses the analogy: “like a spring silkworm spinning a cocoon, binding itself tighter and tighter.”


🔥 Anger Has No Benefit — Only Harm

Anger not only brings no benefit, but also causes harm”—these are words of absolute truth.
Therefore, if we wish to live a lifetime of happiness and peace, we must remember:
To go through life without losing our temper—this is true mastery of cultivation.
Anger harms both our physical and mental health, and harms the other person as well.
But if we can endure and respond with an unmoving mind, both self and others gain benefit.
What benefit do we ourselves gain?
Concentration and wisdom increase.
Concentration and wisdom are the cause; blessings and virtue are the result.

When we hold no hatred, no thought of revenge, and form no new grievances, both ourselves and others gain.
This is the Bodhisattva Path; this is the training of Bodhisattvas.
We must strive to learn it.
Of course, beginners will find it difficult; however, understanding the principle is essential.
At first it requires tremendous patience; after some years, it becomes natural.


🌈 Understanding the Reason Behind Wrongdoing Causes Faults to Cease Naturally

“All other kinds of faults and evils should be examined according to principle. Once the principle is understood, the faults will cease by themselves.”
In daily life, regarding all the wrongs, faults, and unwholesome behaviors committed toward people, events, or things—we must think carefully about the underlying principle.
Once we understand the reason, the fault naturally disappears.
This is the second method of correcting faults—far more profound than the first.

✨ Coming Next...

🌱 Next Lesson Preview:

When we understand that faults arise from the mind and cease when the mind does not move, the focus of cultivation naturally returns to transforming each arising thought. In the next article, we will explore in detail how to establish right mindfulness when circumstances appear—learning in practice how to correct and realign the mind.

Stay tuned. 🙏 Amituofo 🙏


Essential Questions & Takeaways

How many can you answer? Your score shows how well you've internalized the chapter.

🪞 1. Why do insults or misunderstandings disturb me?

Daily level: Because it feels unfair, embarrassing, or damaging—and I want to fix it fast.

Inner level: Because a “self” is being protected: pride, identity, reputation, and the need to be seen as right.

Fundamental truth: Insults cannot touch the true mind—only a grasping mind “receives” the harm.

🗣️ 2. Should I explain or defend myself right away?

Daily level: Not always. Reacting in heat often makes things worse; pause first.

Inner level: The urge to defend is often the ego seeking relief; silence can stop the fire from spreading.

Fundamental truth: Conflict continues only when both sides “participate.” When you don’t feed it, it naturally ends.

💎 3. Is criticism a loss—or can it help me?

Daily level: If there’s a useful point, take it; if it’s nonsense, don’t store it in your heart.

Inner level: Every attack is a mirror: it tests whether resentment still arises and where attachment remains.

Fundamental truth: Slander is “empty space”; if the mind doesn’t ignite, the flames burn out by themselves.

🧘 4. How do I protect my peace in real life?

Daily level: Guard your response: breathe, soften, don’t argue, and choose the next action calmly.

Inner level: Keep only others’ goodness in your heart; don’t let unwholesome words move in and poison your mind.

Fundamental truth: Peace is not won by controlling people—it appears when the mind is unmoved and free.

🏯 5. What is true strength—what makes a “great hero”?

Daily level: Staying respectful and steady under pressure is stronger than “winning” an argument.

Fundamental truth: True strength is turning the mind back—transforming anger into virtue, pride into humility.


📚 Source: Venerable Master Chin Kung’s lecture on The Four Lessons of Liao-Fan, delivered on April 16, 2001, on Phoenix TV